Eating Disorders: What's Really Going On Beneath the Surface
- Sarah Desantis
- 6 days ago
- 3 min read
Eating disorder behaviors like restricting food, binge eating, purging, or compulsive exercise can feel confusing and overwhelming. They often develop as ways to cope with difficult emotions, stress, or pressure, and while they may seem helpful in the moment, they usually provide only a false or temporary sense of control, safety, or comfort.
Part of recovery is exploring the function of these behaviors: what are they actually doing for you? What needs are they trying to meet, and how might you meet those needs in healthier ways? Understanding this is a key step toward building awareness, insight, and lasting change.
If you’re unfamiliar with the different types of eating disorders or how they develop, you may want to start with my guide, Understanding Eating Disorders: Types, Signs, and When to Seek Help, which explains the different diagnoses, warning signs, and treatment options.
What’s Beneath the Surface?
The behaviors of an eating disorder often mask deeper struggles. Some of the most common underlying factors include:
Control
Many people use eating disorder behaviors as a way to feel a sense of control when other parts of life feel unpredictable or overwhelming. For example, you might live in a chaotic household, feel like your environment or relationships are out of your hands, or have responsibilities that feel impossible to manage. Restricting food, bingeing, or controlling your exercise routines can become one area where you feel you can make choices and have order.
Maybe you have a chronic illness or ongoing health concerns that are difficult to manage, food and your body may feel like one of the few areas you can influence. Eating disorder behaviors may temporarily create a sense of predictability or safety, even though the relief is often short-lived. Recognizing this connection between your behaviors and your need for control is an important step toward building healthier coping strategies.
Low Self-Worth
Eating disorders can develop alongside feelings of inadequacy or a belief that your worth depends on your weight, appearance, or “success” at controlling food. The behaviors may provide a temporary sense of value or accomplishment, but this is usually fleeting.
Perfectionism
Perfectionistic thinking such as black-and-white thinking, harsh self-criticism, or constant pressure to achieve can fuel restrictive or compensatory behaviors. The eating disorder may feel like a way to measure success or avoid failure.
Previous Trauma
Past trauma, whether emotional, physical, or sexual, often underlies eating disorder behaviors. Controlling food or body size may feel like a way to manage anxiety, numb emotional pain, or cope with unresolved experiences.
Social Media and Cultural Pressures
We've all been there- we see an image of a person with the 'ideal' body, living their best life and we instantly feel empty and not good enough. Constant exposure to idealized images of bodies, diets, and lifestyles online can reinforce unhealthy comparisons and expectations. Social media often amplifies perfectionism, body dissatisfaction, and the urge to control appearance.
Family Dynamics
Family beliefs, rules, and expectations can play a big role in shaping eating disorder behaviors. This might look like pressure to perform, rigid rules around food, or overly critical dynamics. For example, a family member may constantly comment on food, weight, or appearance, which can make you start questioning your own relationship with food and your body.
Sometimes, parents or caregivers mean well and just want the best for you, but their expectations or emphasis on achievement can still create pressure to be perfect. Even if no one makes direct comments, observing a parent’s own perfectionistic behaviors can lead you to feel like you have to “have it all together.” Controlling food and eating behaviors can become one way to feel accomplished or maintain a sense of order in response to these family dynamics.
Understanding the Function Helps You Change
Eating disorders may temporarily provide a false sense of safety, control, or accomplishment, but they don’t actually meet underlying emotional needs.
By exploring what your behaviors are trying to accomplish, you can begin to:
Build awareness and insight
Identify unmet emotional needs
Develop healthier ways to cope
Shift behaviors toward choices that actually support your well-being and your values
This process is often a key step toward recovery.
If you or someone you care about is struggling with an eating disorder, you don’t have to face it alone. Understanding the underlying causes of eating disorder behaviors from control and perfectionism to social pressures and trauma is a crucial step toward recovery.
Working with a therapist who specializes in eating disorder treatment can help you uncover
these patterns, develop healthier coping strategies, and build a more balanced relationship with food and your body.
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